Asia Conference 2008 (Electives): Effective Counseling

Date: 20 November 2008
Speaker: Mike Connell, Joy Connell
Venue: City Harvest Church (Singapore)

Luke 10:30-37
Then Jesus answered and said: “A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. Now by chance a certain priest came down that road. And when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. Likewise a Levite, when he arrived at the place, came and looked, and passed by on the other side. But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion. So he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.’ So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?”
And he said, “He who showed mercy on him.”
Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do likewise.”

Luke 24:13-15
Now behold, two of them were traveling that same day to a village called Emmaus, which was seven miles from Jerusalem. And they talked together of all these things which had happened. So it was, while they conversed and reasoned, that Jesus Himself drew near and went with them.

You have to establish a bridge to the other party before counselling can begin.

Identifying The Problem

1) The Iceberg Illustration.

10% seen: behaviour and actions. 90% unseen: feelings, beliefs, assumptions, expectations, judgements.

2) Listen with your heart.

Proverbs 18:13
He who answers a matter before he hears it,
It is folly and shame to him.

3) Ask questions.

Genesis 3:9-11
Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?”
So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.”
And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?”

4) Listen to the Holy Spirit.

Isaiah 11:2
The Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon Him,
The Spirit of wisdom and understanding,
The Spirit of counsel and might,
The Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord.

Key Skills:
Help the person identify and express what they are feeling.
Help the person identify and express what they are thinking.
Help the person identify and express how they are behaving.

Recognising Hindrances And Exploring Issues

1) The Blame Game
Feelings of resentment, anger and bitterness.
Inability to see the situation clearly.
Feelings of powerlessness.
Tendency to think and act like a victim.

2) Confrontation
a) Identify negative or destructive patterns.
b) Clarify the issues.
c) Help the person face the truth/reality.
d) Determine what has been done before to resolve the problem.
e) Identify the choices that they have.
f) Be gentle and non-judgemental.

Key Skills:
1) See what the issues are.
2) See their contributions.
3) Take responsibility of their contributions.
4) See the possible choices they have.

Encouraging Change

1) Give directions.
2) People always have a choice.
3) Offer support.
4) Know your limits.